Birthday thinkings

I almost forgot about my birthday. At the very least, I certainly forgot to blog about it.

I guess I fall into that category of people for whom a birthday is just another day. Well, ... backtrack...that's not true. I love birthdays and what they symbolize. I know they're inherently ambivalent (everyday is really a step closer to the grave, or a day closer to increasing maturity). I just never celebrate them. I don't think I ever have. I've never really had a birthday party. I honestly don't want one...honestly.

This year, I was in the thick of exams on my birthday. Oh...wait! That was exactly what I was also doing last year! Fuck! Education really has consumed me in more ways than I can imagine.

I have these random thoughts on my birthdays. They skirt through my mind very lightly - never imposing, never interfering; neither judging nor condescending. Just the way that sincere thoughts should be. When you ask, 'so how do you feel?', here are the things that fly by my mind:

I am glad I'm here. I'm remember that the others are not.
I say a prayer for every name I can remember: I pray that I never forget

I can breathe the air; I'm thankful for what I have and whatnots

I sigh at the blankness in front of me; and, I smile at how far I've come
I try to remember just how old I am; it always takes more than a second of thought
I remember when I was 17 and love that it was my very best year
I remember the women that have been there for me; I try to ignore those that have not
I try to think of exactly where I was a year ago, and it always gets better
I try to think of how many I won, from all the wars that I've stayed and fought
I nod because I think everything will end up just fine
I shake away the worry that all this may have been for naught.

I always think that someday, I'd be able to fly my friends in and we would sit down together and talk about the old days...about our dreams and how they've come to pass or failed to happen. I'd love to see everyone's significant other and hear my favorite stories about our past experiences again and again. I'm sure I won't wait for a birthday to come by before I do this. But if I have a birthday wish...this would probably be it.