Lyricists greater than I....
An old friend of mine just got married. Wrapped in the thoughts of my own twisted life, I forgot the date of his wedding. I swear, I could have attempted to go. (My attempt would have failed...but, I would have attempted, at least, to assuage my conscience.)
However, what triggered his memory (which of course, helped me conclude that I had missed his wedding) was a song. I have a penchant for songs that come to me "in the middle of the night"...songs I don't think about; songs I sometimes do not know the lyrics of when I listen to them... yet, "in the middle of the night" the lyrics come to me - when I least expect. Those are the songs that thrill me.
Well, for my old friend's wedding, he and his much-better-half had a website designed. I know many people pooh-pooh the idea of wedding websites. Nevertheless, I think these websites have their purposes.
Anyways, his wedding website has this gorgeous song playing as the theme! And though the lyrics of the song are not too difficult to decipher, they actually only came to me when I least expected..."in the middle of the night", so to speak.
I have been on the other side of "happy" recently. My heart longs to be close to love. Regardless of my moodiness, the lyrics of the song came to me. Today, I googled a line of the lyrics to find the singer's name. What I got was Kenny Lattimore! I'm certain the singer on my old friend's website is a woman...
But all these are only peripheral to the point. My hands are typing right now just to say the words of the song are divine! For you guys, the lyrics speak of a committment so great that few will be willing to honestly declare it. The first line goes, "For you I'd give a lifetime of fidelity, anything you ask of me...." Hmmmm, I see that you see my point.
For you ladies, the lyrics speak of a release ...and an openness that runs agains the normal thread of womenfolk (...Nothing is impossible/For you there are no highs, or lows, or in-betweens of my heart that you haven't seen....).
I'm glad that the song plays repeatedly on the website. I can put up my feet, stretch out my brief legs and just listen...dreaming of when I can make these promises real for someone else. I'm considering having the song play at my wedding!
I urge you to read the lyrics here:
http://www.angelfire.com/va/srisons/foryou.html
Go to my friend's website and listen to the song play here:
http://www.dianddee.com/dianddee.html
6.30.2006
6.28.2006
Writing is Hard Work!
Today, I feel like crying...with joy and excitement!
I spent the past one year battling with my thesis. My professor gave me tacit hints that she disapproved of my writing style. She suggested I read other contemporary writers. Apparently, the hydra-headed problem my thesis addressed was not enough work already. I also had to work on my communication. So, I wrung my skill throughout the year producing draft-after-draft of a huge work. Until I ran out of time and had to submit my thesis regardless of my lack of direct writing style. My thesis supervisor was patient. She read the maze I created and gave me a grade belying my ineptitude at writing.
Since I intend to work a bit in the U.S., I still needed to work on my writing. So, I read some books to try to brush up my skill. I also gladly accepted the coaching of one of the writing professors here. The professor was kind and offered me his precious time and excellent opinions. He gave me a Memo assignment. The memo is the standard means of formal communication in the U.S. I was lazy about the assignment and tentative about my output. (I think I am still mentally tired; I shall have to write about that another day.)
Today, I received an email from my writing professor. He said,
“I just finished reading your paper. It is stellar. You are going to be an excellent attorney. … I really do not have any suggestions for improvement.”
If ever I need a vote of confidence, I needed it today.
Someone once told me, "Hard work is hard". But it pays.
Today, I feel like crying...with joy and excitement!
I spent the past one year battling with my thesis. My professor gave me tacit hints that she disapproved of my writing style. She suggested I read other contemporary writers. Apparently, the hydra-headed problem my thesis addressed was not enough work already. I also had to work on my communication. So, I wrung my skill throughout the year producing draft-after-draft of a huge work. Until I ran out of time and had to submit my thesis regardless of my lack of direct writing style. My thesis supervisor was patient. She read the maze I created and gave me a grade belying my ineptitude at writing.
Since I intend to work a bit in the U.S., I still needed to work on my writing. So, I read some books to try to brush up my skill. I also gladly accepted the coaching of one of the writing professors here. The professor was kind and offered me his precious time and excellent opinions. He gave me a Memo assignment. The memo is the standard means of formal communication in the U.S. I was lazy about the assignment and tentative about my output. (I think I am still mentally tired; I shall have to write about that another day.)
Today, I received an email from my writing professor. He said,
“I just finished reading your paper. It is stellar. You are going to be an excellent attorney. … I really do not have any suggestions for improvement.”
If ever I need a vote of confidence, I needed it today.
Someone once told me, "Hard work is hard". But it pays.
6.27.2006
Dreaming of A'changels
Since I came to Baton Rouge, I have continually told myself, ‘now I will relax’. And while repeating myself over and over again, days have turned into nights; weeks have changed into months. I am sad, but not surprised, to say that I have not relaxed. In the first months, I pursued my work, my grades, my future. I applied to the usual graduate degree programs: Oxford, Cambridge, etc. That took up all my time and it was difficult to relax without a thought of a thing I had left undone.
In the later months, my thesis consumed me. Writing on the most complicated legal subject in the world (U.S. corporate tax law), I found myself up against a monster. When the law moved, it was an unstoppable force; when the law stood its ground, it was an immovable entity. I was the victim everyday.
Then the results of my applications came in. Those universities told me what they thought of me. On paper, I kinda suck! They sent me their usual thin envelopes to apologize in their cultured English manner that they could not take “all the highly qualified people who applied for places”. I am familiar with disappointment and so I take such phrases kindly. I take many things in life without stress. Nevertheless, it took me an hour or so to settle the thought that I would not arrive at the doors of Oxford this year. I did get some luck though. Some universities thought I was stellar. A dean called me and awoke me from one of my “power naps” – the ones I take after being whipped like a recalcitrant child by tax law. Yes, I did get some luck. Indeed favor is the reason why I will spend the next year in the Big Apple.
Moreover, after the last few months, I have battled with the Uncertainty. Indeed, it is a thing by itself. It worries my friends from six thousand miles away who dream to be where I am while I am here hoping to be in someone else’s shoes as well. It is the Uncertainty that helped most in breaking my faith in me. Here I am…in a small city beside the Big Easy. “I can’t compete with the kids in New York, New Haven, Massachusetts, and Chicago….” It was so easy to forget that I have consistently done the unthinkable while living the unfathomable. It is the conundrum of life. It is perhaps why I have been unable to relax.
But the Almighty ones thought that I needed reminding. They sent an army of one to help me believe in myself. Indeed, it is interesting to find that an old, fragile, white woman would bond so strongly with a young, fragile, black kid. She sees what I do not see in me. She knows that I am strong; she hopes that I will not give up. And so I have not. I put my chin up and I dug into it. The hydra-headed monster did not overwhelm me. I did not need to compete with the kids up North…my fate came to me…on a platter…with free flights to the home of the Rockets and the Astros and a ridiculous salary for being myself. I go to Houston this weekend to work for the world’s top energy firm.
Now, as I lie by the lake, I watch two ducks waddle past me. I wonder what their conversation is about. Since I am unable to speak ‘duck’, I turn my focus to more tangible things. I am grateful for the breeze around my legs. I am thankful for the rustle of the leaves that sound like the footsteps of a friend trying to surprise me. I know that I still cannot relax; there is so much left undone. But for now, my spirit is quiet. And, for now, that is enough. Let me worry about others; I have worried enough about myself.
Since I came to Baton Rouge, I have continually told myself, ‘now I will relax’. And while repeating myself over and over again, days have turned into nights; weeks have changed into months. I am sad, but not surprised, to say that I have not relaxed. In the first months, I pursued my work, my grades, my future. I applied to the usual graduate degree programs: Oxford, Cambridge, etc. That took up all my time and it was difficult to relax without a thought of a thing I had left undone.
In the later months, my thesis consumed me. Writing on the most complicated legal subject in the world (U.S. corporate tax law), I found myself up against a monster. When the law moved, it was an unstoppable force; when the law stood its ground, it was an immovable entity. I was the victim everyday.
Then the results of my applications came in. Those universities told me what they thought of me. On paper, I kinda suck! They sent me their usual thin envelopes to apologize in their cultured English manner that they could not take “all the highly qualified people who applied for places”. I am familiar with disappointment and so I take such phrases kindly. I take many things in life without stress. Nevertheless, it took me an hour or so to settle the thought that I would not arrive at the doors of Oxford this year. I did get some luck though. Some universities thought I was stellar. A dean called me and awoke me from one of my “power naps” – the ones I take after being whipped like a recalcitrant child by tax law. Yes, I did get some luck. Indeed favor is the reason why I will spend the next year in the Big Apple.
Moreover, after the last few months, I have battled with the Uncertainty. Indeed, it is a thing by itself. It worries my friends from six thousand miles away who dream to be where I am while I am here hoping to be in someone else’s shoes as well. It is the Uncertainty that helped most in breaking my faith in me. Here I am…in a small city beside the Big Easy. “I can’t compete with the kids in New York, New Haven, Massachusetts, and Chicago….” It was so easy to forget that I have consistently done the unthinkable while living the unfathomable. It is the conundrum of life. It is perhaps why I have been unable to relax.
But the Almighty ones thought that I needed reminding. They sent an army of one to help me believe in myself. Indeed, it is interesting to find that an old, fragile, white woman would bond so strongly with a young, fragile, black kid. She sees what I do not see in me. She knows that I am strong; she hopes that I will not give up. And so I have not. I put my chin up and I dug into it. The hydra-headed monster did not overwhelm me. I did not need to compete with the kids up North…my fate came to me…on a platter…with free flights to the home of the Rockets and the Astros and a ridiculous salary for being myself. I go to Houston this weekend to work for the world’s top energy firm.
Now, as I lie by the lake, I watch two ducks waddle past me. I wonder what their conversation is about. Since I am unable to speak ‘duck’, I turn my focus to more tangible things. I am grateful for the breeze around my legs. I am thankful for the rustle of the leaves that sound like the footsteps of a friend trying to surprise me. I know that I still cannot relax; there is so much left undone. But for now, my spirit is quiet. And, for now, that is enough. Let me worry about others; I have worried enough about myself.
6.20.2006
I once started a blog.... I cannot now remember what happened to it. But I'm glad to take up the cause once more!
Of course, my life is now very busy and things are unravelling and coming together pretty fast - these are interesting times indeed.
I wish I had started my blog earlier. There are so many vignettes of my life that I would have liked to capture. For me, every event is didactic. There is a lesson to be learned. I shall try to tell the little anectodes of my life. I shall also try to bring out the morals of the story as I go along. I hope you can share my experience and learn to love your life more as you read about mine.
Today, I went to the post office. I received a letter in the mail from a firm that I applied to work for. The letter was slim. My experiences tell me that slim letters only carry bad news. I am not enthusiastic to recieve them. This one was a letter of rejection from the firm. Ha! It was from the office in Austin, Texas. But I am very calm about it because I know something that the letter's sender doesn't. The head office of the firm in Houston, Texas has already flown me over there, interviewed me, and offered me a position! Time and chance have made the letter meaningless.... And for this, I am grateful.
As time and chance bring fortune, they also can bring disappointment. As they bring opportunity, they can also announce the death of hope. Today, time and chance are on my side. And I am, indeed, very grateful.
Enjoy my thoughts.
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