Midnight Music...

It's 2.50am.

I'm sitting up in my bed for two reasons. Firstly, the weather channel predicts it will snow tonight or early tomorrow. I'm very excited about that because I want to see the snow fall. It's not a weather feature I'm too familiar with...and it's the first snow this season in New York.

Secondly, I found a lovely website where I can download MP3s for free. And I'm using the opportunity to dig up my favourite tunes in all the world. As is characteristic of music, it soothes me. At least the type that I listen to does. And considering how weary I've been of all the reading and the extensive commuting I've had to do this semester, I'm treating myself to the littlest pleasures I can find. So, I've reacquainted myself with Eye of the Tiger, Streisand's 'Tell Him', R. Kelly's 'I'm the greatest'.... This is all very enticing...it actually makes studying tax bearable!

I met an old friend online a few minutes ago. I haven't heard from him in a while. We grew up together and he's been there for me many times. He's working in the South Africa and has been incommunicado for a while. He just mentioned that he's getting married and has fixed a wedding date...sometime next year. I would have imagined that I ought to be upset that I have only found out today. I guess I should be piqued that I have not been part of his plans, part of his life, or shared in his dreams. But I am not upset. I believe that the world is a strange place and that friends are strange too. It is difficult not to blame him for not trying enough to stay in touch. [I am perennially available, apparently.] However, blaming him would be pointless. He has life to deal with. So have I. We are making the best of the cards that life has dealt us. I cannot blame him for playing in silence. Indeed, it is the way of the world and I pray that he finds a deeper peace from merging his soul with another's. It is what marriages should be about.

Talking about marriages, a couple of my friends are on the marriage train. At least, they would be if they could firm their minds up to the prospect of spending the rest of this beautiful life with not-so-ideal men. You see, they are hopeless romantics. They wish he would come - in shining armor - and sweep them off their feet. They want to find him - and for him to make their hearts skip every other beat. They want to be secure in his arms; hang unto his words; spice every meal with the taste of his lips. They want to be in love. Yet, my friends have made committments to others less-than-romeo. It is not easy to live one's life waiting for the ideal to arrive. The history of love is strewn with the ghosts of those who have waited in vain.

I wish I had advice for anyone in this situation. Unfortunately, my recklessness with love is well entrenched in the minds of those who know me. Nevertheless, the soul of the matter is this - are you willing to settle for someone who is, no doubt crazy about you, but with whom the deepest part of your heart will never touch? Is the ecstacy of life important to you? Are any of these things important in any way whatsoever? I really wish I knew.... Hopeless romantic, I am indeed. Well, when I know better than I know now, I shall make another attempt at these questions. Or perhaps, I shall ask better ones.

For now, I'll continue to wait for New York's first snow. Let me return to the sounds of midnight music....